Confessions of a Pregnant Woman

3 Mar

As the date of our third child is approaching, my emotions are running wild. This pregnancy, my concerns are so different than the other 2 times.

With Kiara, I had dreams of her being really ugly and dealing with the guilt of thinking my child was ugly and then misplacing her in my 900 sq. ft house. Crazy I know! Of course I wondered if I would be a good mom. When she first came home we were so freaked out of the responsibility of this little life and that we would accidentally kill her.  We of course figured things out as we went and fell madly in love with her.

With Melania, I would have sleepless nights wondering how I would possibly love her like I loved Kiara. I couldn’t imagine loving another child as much as I loved her. This scared me to death. Once she was born, I was amazed at the capacity to love. It’s so true, that your love doesn’t run out from loving someone else too.

This time I know I will be in love with my third girl as much as the 1st and 2nd. I’m not worried about taking care of her or really even what she looks like. My new concern is, Is there enough of me to give to each of my children and my husband. I worry that they won’t feel the love I have for them as I am stretched thin. I’m afraid of any one of them feeling unimportant or being in need of more than I am able to give. My prayer is that God will fill in every gap that I cannot. Of course I cannot be enough for them. He has to be. So I realize in my head this is the truth, but I need my heart to trust that too.


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